Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
