Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
