this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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