thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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