yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
