im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
