you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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