it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
