he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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