if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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