WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
