I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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