i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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