ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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