He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
