i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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