where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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