Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
