did you get engaged???
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
