Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
