The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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