Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
