Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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