apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
