It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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