Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
