I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
