My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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