Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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