I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
