This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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