wrigley field is MILF paradise
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So much rum. So many feels.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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