people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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