In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
