Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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