last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
