You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
