so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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