I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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