you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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