someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
