just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
