My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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