Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
