they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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