Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
