I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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