you guys were way drunker than both of me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
