if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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