On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
