google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
