its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
