my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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