Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
